Going Through Grieving

• Try to maintain a balanced diet and avoid junk food. Try to drink eight glasses of healthy liquids, like juice or water, every day. Try to stay away from caffeine and alcohol; they can cause dehydration and headaches. Alcohol also slows body function and natural emotional expression.
• If possible, avoid tobacco because it drains your body of vitamins, increases acid in your stomach, and can cause palpitations.
• Do something active every day, like biking, jogging, aerobics or stretching. A walk around the block can be a useful first step in helping you get back into living fully.
• Don't increase your workload. Go to bed at your usual time, even if you're unable to sleep.
• Remember that your body will need time to get back to "normal" after pregnancy. It you were far along in your pregnancy or went to term, you may have bleeding for a time afterward and your breasts may have milk. Be sure to contact your health care provider if you have questions about your recovery. Get a physical exam about four months after your loss because your immune system is affected and your body is less resistant to disease during grief.

Take care of the emotional and spiritual you

• Talking about your baby and your feelings with your partner, family and friends can help you get out bottled-up emotions.
• When you feel you're ready, resume old relationships and seek new ones both separately and as a couple.
• Reading books, articles, and poetry can provide understanding and comfort, and help you feel less alone.
• Writing can be a good outlet for your emotions. You might record your thoughts and memories in a journal, or write letters or poems to your baby.
• Don't put your baby's things away until you're ready. There are no rules in grieving.
• Ask your clergy for support or help in renewing your faith, in finding ways your faith can help you come to terms with your baby's death, and in memorializing your baby.
• It's best not to make big decisions or changes during this time. Waiting 18 to 24 months or so before making a major change is advisable.
• Avoid letting others make your decisions for you. You and your partner are the only ones who know what you really want and need.
• Admitting when you need help can be a big relief. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Let family and friends know specific things they can do for you, like helping with child care or just spending time with you. Let them share your grief. Attending a support group of other couples who have lost a child also can help and give you an opportunity to share your feelings with others who understand what you're going through. Perinatal Loss and Genetics and Birth Defects provide information about support groups.
• Seek counseling, if you feel you need it, through your hospital's bereavement counselor or chaplain, or a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. Perinatal Loss and Genetics and Birth Defects have more information.